June 20, 2007

I am going to start from yesterday because it will save me some frustration and probably from carpal tunnel if I leave out the last two years. Yesterday the house was a mess. There were 3 pairs of shoes lieing about the living room. Two of them were mine. There was an empty box that K had dragged into the living room and a big 50 gallon tote that I had brought in from outside so K could play with it. Down the hallway there were two baskets of clean laundry that needed to be folded and put away and one huge pile of dirty clothes(probably equivalent to two loads) in the corner of the hall. (We have recently moved and I don't have a hamper yet for that area)
I wrote a bunch here and now have decided to edit it.
Okay, so basically.......
I
1) made dinner- reheated homemade split pea (that I made the night before) and some chicken nuggets. (No judgement please I worked 2 hours of overtime and was tired)
2) did the dishes- filled the dishwasher AND did a sink full of dirty dishes that wouldn't fit in the dishwasher.
3) folded 3 loads of clean laundry AND put them away (laundry is Luke's chore)
4) picked up toys and everything that was in the living room, including everyone's shoes
5) played with the kids outside (kids is plural because we watched the two neighbor kids for a couple hours)
6) vacuumed the house, including the kitchen which counts as sweeping
7) got K in the bath
8) made Luke's lunch for the next day
9) went to bed
Luke
1) picked K up from daycare
2) cleared the dishes from the dinner table and put them in the sink
3) switched over laundry and washed 3 loads (leaving the clean ones piled on the couch and watched me fold them all after they sat there for over half an hour)
4) played with the kids outside while I did the dishes
5) put K pjs on him and put him to bed after his bath

So, Luke did do stuff yesterday. That's actually not my bitch. I know he does stuff but when I am taking care of the house and vacuuming and folding the laundry (which is his chore I remind you) then it just gets really frustrating. He sat on the couch and watched tv while I folded the laundry. I was right next to him. He sat on the couch watching tv while I picked up the entire house and vacuumed. It's shit like this that makes me feel like he either doesn't care or takes me for granted. He knows that if he doesn't do it then it will still get done. He knows that if it doesn't get done in at least a couple days then I will do it. He KNOWS this stuff and he knows that when it doesn't get done and I feel like I have to do it then I get upset and yet he still doesn't do it. It's like he likes me to feel like I have to baby him and take care of everything. What's sad is the fact that he makes me feel resentful and I'm not even attracted to him anymore. It's sad because I love him and he is a great dad to K. I wish he would be a good husband. I need him to be a good husband and notice the little things that are so HUGE.

Introduction

In an attempt to prevent myself from going insane with regret and resentment, I am going to journal my woes here. If you care to read, then read on, if not, well then that's fine too. Just know that you are reading the self-pity of a working wife and mother who feels her husband takes her for granted. So, here we go.